After Journey's End
by songbirdgirl
Summary: This is a continuation of my oneshot Home: RoseX10.5 Rose is left on Bad Wolf Bay again, but this time, she is not alone. Rating changed from T to M so I could write chapter 8. Please read, review, and enjoy.
1. Bad Wolf Bay, Again

Once there was a time I was in love with a man from a place far, far away. He grabbed my hand in the shop where I worked everyday and saved my life and for once, my life was not boring. I had no idea what would happen next. I loved it. It was the first time in my life I had felt important. When the adventure ended, I turned down the chance to contiune the adventure. Almost as soon as he was gone, I knew it was a mistake. And then something amazing happned, something so very rare: I got a second chance. He came back.

I always wondered if he had come straight back. Thinking back to the Doctor at that time, I'd imagine he tried to shake off the rejection for awhile before he came back. This time I didn't make the same mistake. I left Mickey and I left Mum and I left Cardiff and I went off with him. We went to see the end of the world, and it was stunning. More running, more adventure. And when I looked down at the earth from the platform, for the first time in my life I felt small. So unimportant. And that idea, after living a monotonous, self-centered life, was intoxicating. It wasn't that I was a particuarly selfish person, it was just that with so little _other_ in my life, it was hard to see past my own needs.

So the Doctor made me better. I guess that's what doctors do. I had never felt very smart, never did my A-levels, but he sharpened me. And I realized quickly I was falling in love. It was far too late for me to do anything about it, and he looked at me with that goofy grin, and it was like... sometimes, it was like he was looking at his best mate Rose, and sometimes like he was looking at a pet, and sometimes, like he was in pain. I always chalked the last one up to losing his people. I think it must've been hard for him to go from being so lonely to being with someone all the time. Grief has a way of isolating you. I wanted to cut through that. To get him to see me, to see the love I could offer, when he died...

...and when he was reborn. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. All the running we'd done, the massive blackout I had just suffered, all the times the world was going to end, and I had never been more scared then when the alien with the big ears in my bedroom grew a new face. Even once I knew he was okay, I was still terrified that he wouldn't like me anymore. Looking back now, I laugh. It was like he was made for me after that. And he reciprocated my feelings much more often, although the pained looks remained.

Losing the Doctor was the most painful thing I had ever experienced in my entire life, seeing as I was too young to remember my dad dying. Once he had told me to always wait five and a half hours. I clung to that wall and sobbed until I thought I was going to throw up. I sobbed until I retched, and if I had anything in my stomach I'm sure I would have lost it. I cried until I was too shakey to stand, then I crumpled to the floor and sobbed some more. I cried until I was out of tears. I have no idea how long it took, but when I reached that point, I set my watch, and I waited. My mum and Mickey and Pete all took turns trying to talk me into leaving, but I told them all over and over that I had made a promise a long time ago.

Bad Wolf Bay. It had to be bad wolf, of course. The end of the world. I thought, when I saw him, that at least I would get a goodbye. Fate was cruel. I don't know what sin I had committed to be punnished in such a manner, but it must've been the worst of offences.

The cannon was the single most hope inspiring thing I have ever come across. They had been working on the idea for sometime, and they knew it would take a long time to finish it. The condition for being allowed to help in its creation was to start to build a life there. I started taking A-levels, got a job with Torchwood (despite Mum's protests). Started making friends. But things were bad. Sleep lead to nightmares, so mostly I didn't. I started seeing a therapist through Torchwood, someone who could hear about the things I had seen. She was a nice young Asian woman who prescribed me some antianxity medication that didn't work, and some antidepressant that made everything much worse. I stopped taking them. Walked allies at night by myself. Adventure never found me, almost as if something was protecting me despite my reckless behaviour.

Finding him was joy. He was shot down by Daleks and began to regenerate but manged to keep the same body by shooting it off into a hand in a jar that Jack had been holding onto. And there he was. They had this crisis that needed sorting, but then it would be him and me, traveling again, just like old times. It was fate that I had found him. It was fate that he hadn't changed.

Being left on that damn beach again was probably worse than the first time. I had fought so hard. I had earned my place with him. A voice flashed through my head, _maybe he doesn't want you_, but I shook it off. I was tired and shaken. Two Doctors. Two Doctors and Donna and Jack and Mickey and Mum and earlier Martha and Sarah Jane and Harriet. And I was so tired, and here they were, back in the wrong universe. The Doctor (my Doctor, the real Doctor) tossed something to the new Doctor. Donna babbled on. The Doctor was leaving. Leaving me with this half human half Time Lord stranger. I looked at the Doctor. Asked him. And he couldn't answer. But this new Doctor leaned over and whispered in my ear.

Hearing it send a shock through me. I grabbed him and I kissed him and kissed him and he returned it, until I heard the TARDIS door slam. The engine roaring. Three times without a goodbye. He was not a man for goodbyes. I know this now. Too painful after what he had been through. But here I was, after fighting so hard, standing on that damn beach on the wrong side of the rift, watching him leave again. A sob broke through, and the new Doctor took my hand, without saying anaything. "We have the same memories Rose, the same thoughts. The same feelings. We're the same." I shook my head. "We're the same. And I am never leaving you again, Rose Tyler." I just shook my head, tears streaming down my face, and sqeazed his hand tighter. Mum rushed over and put her arms around me. "Let's go home," she said.


	2. Hotellet etter den Stranden

Dad sent us a car to take us to Bergen, about fifty miles away. We would stay the night there before returning home on the zeplin. He had booked us three rooms at Hotellet etter den Stranden- Hotel by the Bay. It was a very nice hotel, with a very pretty view and polite staff. I hated it. It was the same hotel where we stayed the first time we came through. The worst night of my life.

The ride was silent. I didn't know what to say, and the new Doctor proably didn't either. I'm sure Mum had plenty to say, but she couldn't say any of it in front of the driver, so she let it be. I held the new Doctor's hand, mostly out of habit. We didn't make eye contact. Mum thanked the driver when we arrived. We went inside and checked in. She handed out the key cards, and then some money. She told us she was going to lay down and to go down to the shops and get the new Doctor some clothes, and for us to get some essentials as well. We took the money and left.

The town of Bergen was small and pretty, although it is rather grey. The perfect offset for the mood. We wandered in and out of shops, still holding hands, but not really talking. I suggested he look for clothes and I would take care of the rest. He nodded and we parted ways. It felt odd to be walking away from him, even for such a short amount of time and routine activity. I felt panic rise up in e and pushed it back down again. _You're being silly_, I thought. _He's not even really the Doctor._ I cringed at that thought. I wasn't sure how true it was, but it was certainly not going to help me deal with the situation. The fact of the matter was I was here, and he was here, and the Doctor- _my_ Doctor- was off in the other universe, gallevanting and having adventures. Without me. He told me once I could spend my life with him. Then he hands me this Doctor like a consolation prize. I tossed some toothpaste into the basket I held. Shampoos. Soap. I paused in front of the toothbrushes. Pink for me, green for Mum. TARDIS blue for the Doctor. _New _ Doctor, I corrected myself. Then sighed. I had seen the man change his entire face. His personality. All that had remained of him was his love of adventure. His love of humans. Of me. And I did so well, after I adjusted. Maybe I just needed time to adjust.

I went and found the Doctor when the basket was full. He had a push cart. It had two shoe boxes, socks and pants, some t shirts, a couple button downs, jeans, and trousers. I was impressed at how practicle he had been. I don't know why, but I had been worried he would've gotten himself into trouble. I suppose after 900 something years he could dress himself. I just didn't see him out of that single outfit very often. We checked out and I asked if he wanted to get some lunch. I told him there was a chip shop down the street and he brightened a little bit. It was a short walk, and we sat down and ordered. I got some chips and a cuppa. He ordered as well, and then the waitress walked away. And then we sat there, alone together with nothing to give us an excuse not to talk to each other. I looked into his eyes, then looked away. Same eyes. Too painful. Just before I looked away I saw a flicker of pain cross his face. He always used to look at me like he was in pain. I sighed.

"Rose," he said, very quietly. "Please look at me." I shook my head, but soon the silence of his expectation enveloped us, and I looked up anyway. "I'm the same man Rose. All the same memories, all the same knowledge. All the same love for you. It's just like a regeneration, except that this time my outside stayed the same, and I'm different on the inside a little. One heart. Some of Donna's habbits..."

I shook my head again. "I don't see how you can be the same person while he's still out there. You're two seperate people existing on different planes at the same time."

He paused. Furrowed his brows. Frowned. Nodded. Tilted his head around like he was thinking very heard. Then he nodded. Smiled. "Rose, remember how I told you about how, in the past, I've run into old regenerations? Or how we could go somewhere, say, 1952 in Cardiff, but we had to be careful not to go to 1952 London because we'd run into me on my timeline?"

I nodded slowly.

"So, in visiting 1952 Cardiff, there would be two of me, in two places, at the same time." He sat there looking at me. I said nothing, and he sighed. Our food came, and we ate it quickly and silently. I left some money on the table and we gathered up the shopping. I took his hand.

"I just need time," I told him.


	3. The First Night

We got back and found Mum was up. I gave her the things I had gotten her while we were out. She asked if we were hungry but we told her we had just had chips. She told us she was going out to get something to eat, and that we should probably think about getting some sleep, because the zeplin would be there early the next morning. The new Doctor and I went upstairs. Our rooms were right next door to each other. We kind of lingered outside of them awkardly. I was really hesitant to be seperated from, but at the same time, I wasn't ready to ask hm to come in. I could tell he was feeling the same. I knew he was taking his cues from me, but I just wasn't ready to deal with this yet. I told myself I just needed some sleep.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Mum's room is on the other side of mine; if you need anything, just let one of us know. Here's your stuff. I'll see you in the morning."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek lightly. "Good night Rose Tyler. Sweet dreams."

I turned away quickly and walked into my room. I threw my stuff on the bed and grabbed the things I'd need for my shower. I went through the washing and shampooing automatically, out of habbit. When I was done, I sat down on the floor of the shower stall. I hugged me knees to my chest and let the hot water pour down over me and stayed that way until the water ran cold. Then I turned if off, but I stayed there until all the water on me had dried. I stayed still for so long the autolight turned off, so, with a sigh, I got up and got dressed into some sweats and a t shirt.

I turned off all of the lights and got into bed. We were high enough up that no one could see inside the windows, so I left the blinds up and stared out at the darkness. I lay there, turning the day's events over and over in my mind, wondering where my Doctor was now. What he was doing. If he was thinking about me. I asked him once why he never talked about the others he had traveled with. When he told me they were in the past, I asked if there wold ever be a day when he would stop talking about me, too. He told me he would never, ever stop telling stories about me.

I believed him, at the time. Three partings without goodbyes was enough to convince me otherwise. At that thought, the feelings in me welled up and spilled over. Once the tears came, there was no holding them back, and soon I was sobbing. I curled up and cried til I was keening, and long after the tears abaited I lay there awake. Finally, I got up and sat with my back against the wall I shared with the new Doctor. I fell asleep there.


	4. A Long Day

The next morning I woke up on the floor with Mum banging on the door. For a second I was confused, then I remembered where I was and why. I sighed, hollered back that I was up, and was allowed fifteen before we had to go. I got up and washed my face and brushed my teeth. I pullled my hair into a low ponytail (good for travel) and changed quickly. I rushed downstairs to find Mum and the Doctor. New Doctor. Mum was checking out. The new Doctor handed me a cuppa in a to go cup and a muffin.

"It's banana!" he said with a grin. "Best kind of muffin."

"Banana nut?" I asked.

He made a face. "Why in the world would anyone put nuts in a perfectly good banana muffin? Completely ruin it! Bananas are the best fruit Rose Tyler. They make the best muffins. They don't need nuts to be a totally valid breakfast food! There's no other breakfast food that has nuts. Nuts are not a breakfast food! Bananas, on the other hand, are often served by themselves at breakfast. Nuts in a muffin." He shook his head. By this point, we were both grinning, and I was cracking up. My Doctor always loved bananas. I guess that hadn't changed, and I was glad.

Mum came back over and asked what we were laughing about. For whatever reason, it just made us laugh harder. She rolled her eyes and we grabbed out bags and headed out to the car. The Doctor- new Doctor- opened my door, and we climbed in. The drive was silent again. I held his hand as we sped through the streets. It was a short drive to the little airport where Dad's zeplin was docked. We could've walked it, but we didn't do a whole lot of walking. It wasn't safe for us.

It had taken a lot of getting used to, being the Vitex family. We were followed by reporters all of the time, and harrassed often in the supermarket and the street. And the masion. After living in a two bedroom flat for my whole life, living in such a large place was almost unimaginable. I had no idea why a family our size needed to have so many bedrooms. Even after Mum had Tony, we still only needed three rooms- four, if we wanted to have a guest bedroom- so fifteen seemed a little much. It wasn't until Dad threw a work party that I saw the reason for all of the bedrooms. Everyone was far too sauced to go anywhere!

Mum had done over the whole mansion when we moved in. It was tatsefully done, too. She didn't need to work now, so she filled her time with the things rich wives of rich men were supposed to- classes, parties, and charities. I hadn't seen the need to get a flat before I left since I had never intended on staying very long. Now that I was back I supposed I would need one, but that would be something I would put off for as long as possible, because it meant deciding what to do with the Doctor. New Doctor. Once Mum had called Dad and explained the situaion, he extended an invitation to the Doctor to stay with us for as long as he wanted, so that's where we were headed.

We sat beside each other on the zeplin, still holding hands. I noticed he looked like he hadn't slept well himself, and I hoped he hadn't heard me crying the night before. I was filled with terrible anxiety about how we were going to make this work. I was worried I would never feel like he was _my_ Doctor, but at the same time, he was _enough_ like my Doctor that I was worried he would leave me again. I was more confused than I ever had been in my life. Was this man sitting beside me going to stay with me?

He wasn't given a choice anymore than I was. He was just left here. The Doctor had given him the TARDIS coral, and Donna had told him how to grow it. He'd have a way to travel time and space again. Would he want me to go? Would he leave me a fourth time? _There!_ That thought there! He either was the same man or he waasn't. He couldn't be a different man and be able to leave me a fouth time. It didn't work that way. I sighed, and the Doctor cast a look at me. I didn't look back. He gave my hand a small sqeeze and I smiled a little but still didn't look at him. He frowned and looked out the window, but at least he didn't take his hand away. I looked over at Mum to find her watching us. She just looked back down at her magazine and shook her head.

We arrived at the airport in London several hours later. A car was waiting for us. We climbed in, and even with traffic, it only took us ten to get home. As soon as we walked in Tony flew through the air and threw himself around my legs. He peered shly up at the Doctor. New Doctor. Mum and Dad were snogging. I looked back at Tony. I was on my own.

"This is my brother Tony. Tony, how old are you?" Tony held up three chubby little fingers.

"Nice to meet you Tony! I'm the Doctor." Tony's eyes widdened.

"Are you really him?" he asked. I had told Tony so many bedtime stories about the Doctor that Tony kind of idolized him.

"Yeah, he is, kind of..." I trailed off. Four sets of eyes trained on me. Tony's were awed. Dad's were confused, Mum's dissapointed. His were hurt. I sighed again and turned towards my parents, handing Tony to Mum.

"We have a room all picked out for you, _Doctor_," Mum said with slight emphasis. "It's right next to Roses's, so I'm sure she can get you set up. Tea is at seven."

"Dinner," Dad corrected in a quiet voice. Mum had done a wonderful job replacing the old Jackie Tyler, but she slipped sometimes and used lower class words. Dad didn't mind, but she minded terribly, and asked him to correct her when she did it.

The Doctor thanked her, shook Dad's hand, and smiled at Tony, then we went up the stairs. I had a bedroom on the second floor. Mum and Dad's room was on the third floor, as was Tony's. We walked into his room. It was large, with two big windows looking out over the woods. That view was the reason I had picked my room. There was a bookcase, a desk, a bed, and a wardrobe. I helped him put his things together. To my surprise, he pulled out a sonic, a pair of specs, and what could only be psychic paper out of his pockets. He put them in the top drawer of the desk, along with the TARDIS coral.

I guess he sa my surprise, because he smiled and told me he always left spares in every single suit. "Can't be without my most important things Rose Tyler, and now that I have the TARIS coral, I'll have that soon. And now I have you, and that's everything I need to be happy." I turned away from his hopeful smile. Same smile. Too painful.

"I'm across the hall if you need anything," I told him, starting to walk away, but he grabbed my gently around the waist and pulled me round to face him.

"Rose, please. We need to talk about this."

I wouldn't look at him. "I just need time. I told you that."

"I heard you crying last night. I don't think time is what you need."

Damn. He _had _heard me. I walked over and sat gingerly on the bed. He followed.

"Rose, you have to understand that we are the same person. I might have a little more sass from time to time- that'll be Donna- and I have one heart, which means I can't regenerate. I have one life now Rose, and I want to live it with you. We can grow the TARDIS coral and head out to the stars. Maybe they'll be brand new! New world, new stars. If you asked me, I'd chuck the coral in the bin and never bring it up again. I just want to be with you."

I looked him in the eyes for the first time since the chips yesterday. "I can't help but wonder, if I hadn't've kissed you, if he wouldn't've left me..." I started, but stopped when he shook his head.

"We share a telepathic connection Rose. It's faded to almost nothing now, and maybe one day it will be all gone, but when I was born I could hear his every thought. He never had any intention of letting you stay. I'm sorry to be so blunt- that'll be Donna- but he made a promise to your mother a very long time ago that he would always bring you home, and after that Dalek almost shot you, he knew he couldn't keep you in such danger. And it didn't hurt him when you kissed me Rose, I promise. He has hope that you and I could carry on in the TARDIS without the burden of saving the universe to make up for his sins. Without the pain of knowing that one day you will die and he will carry on without you. I love you just as much as he did Rose Tyler. Except I will never, ever leave you."


	5. And an Even Longer Night

Dinner was tense. Tony asked the Doctor a million questions, and that was probably the only thing that kept dinner from being silent. I could tell that Mum had filled Dad in, and now they were both looking disapointed in me. Like I was in the wrong. And maybe I was, but I still didn't want reproving stares. I ate quickly, and then Dad offered to give the Doctor- new Doctor- a tour of the house. Mum and I did dishes, and they took Tony with them.

"What are you doing Rose?" Mum asked as she washed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told her.

"You're being daft, you are. How long did you spend mooning after him? And now you have him and we get to keep you. You'll even grow another box."

"You don't understand. He's not the same person Mum."

"I do understand love. Didn't I have to go through it with Pete when we got here?"

"But Dad was dead. It's not the same at all."

"Rose, it's not everyday you get everything you want. You need to think about how hard this has to be for him as well. He deserves better than what you're giving right now."

"I'm twenty four years old Mum, and I'll do as I please."

"Then act like an adult Rose."

We finished up the dishes in silence. Mum gave me a very pointed look and told me she was off to do Tony's bath. I went up the stairs in search of the Doctor. I found him with Dad in his office in the third floor. They were examining the TARDIS coral and the Doctor was gesturing wildly and rambling on excitedly. Dad was watching him with a bemused expression. I cleared my throat and they both turned around. Dad made his excuses and left me alone with the Doctor.

"So. Our very own TARDIS." I said.

"With Donna's idea, it will take hardly any time to grow. It's a complicated process, but the coral is the hardest part to come by, with Gallifrey gone. Do you want to learn how to fly her, once she's ready?"

I grinned. I had given it a go or two before, but him offering to teach me for real was a whole different matter. "I'd love to," I told him, his excitement catching. "When do you want to start growing it?" I asked him.

"Well, all we need for the first part is some soil and a pot. There are several stages, and later we will have to get some things from Torchwood, but the begining stage is the most basic. We could do that tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going in with your dad tomorrow to get some papers in order. Apparently I'll need a name. Silly thing, that, but I suppose it'll make things easier, so I'll get that out of the way. He's offered me a job. I wasn't sure about it at first, but he says he's really got things turned around, so I thought that I might give it a go. If you don't mind, that is..." he trailed off, looking suddenly doubtful.

"I think working at Torchwood would be a good idea. You'd be dead useful, and it'll give you something to do until the TARDIS is ready. Let's go out to the shed in the back and see if we can find what we need."

He picked up his sonic and I took his hand and we went downstairs. In the shed we found a good sized pot and a trowel. I found a bag of soil, but he explained it would work better if we used earth, because the TARDIS gets its power from the energy of the universe itself. We put the coral in the pot, and he pulled out his sonic. He pointed it at the coral and held it steady until it cracked into little bits, showing a fleshy orange inside. He explained that he had shatterfryed the shell, which was what would allow the TARDIS to grow faster than normal. We covered it with dirt. Then he put it up on a table in front of the little window. He said it was probably best of we kept it inside. No second chances with this one.

We stood there holding hands, looking at our TARDIS soaking in all the energy it needed from the soil. He told me that in just a month it would be ready for the next step. I turned to go back into the house, but then I felt a tug on my arm when he didn't follow. I turned to look at him and he took a step closer. Our faces were barely an inch apart. His breath was warm on my cheek.

"Are you excited?" he whispered. I swallowed and nodded. "Soon we'll be back out in the stars again. Rose and the Doctor, just how it should be." I gave him a faint smile. Standing there in the dark, I could smell the earth we had just dug and something else- a _Doctory_ smell; mint and tea and something else that I couldn't place. Even though he was that close, I could hardly see his face in the darkness. My heart sped up. I tilted my head slightly towards his. We were almost touching. He let go of my hand and moved his to the back of my head. He leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss to my lips. My blood was throbbing in my neck, my wrists. I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. He responded, and I pressed my body to his. If my heart was working this hard, I could only imagine what he must be feeling, his single heart in overdrive when he was used to two...

And that was enough to snap me back out of it. This was what I wanted, but not who I wanted it with. I broke away and took two steps back. His face was full of longing and pain- a look I was oh so used to on his twin. Same face. Too painful. "Sorry," I murmered. Then I fled back into the house. He stayed behind.

I ran into my room and closed the door. I collapsed into my bed and sobbed harder than I had the night before. I didn't even know what to do. Hours later I heard him come up the stairs. He paused outside of my door. I prepaired to pretend to be alseep, but after a moment he sighed and moved away. I heard his door close. He fumbled around for awhile, then I heard him start pacing. I fell asleep to its lullaby.

_I was in the TARDIS. It looked just how it did the last time I saw it. _

_"Rose." I heard his voice from behind me. I turned and saw his face. I knew it was the new Doctor, but I was filled with joy. I threw my arms around him. He swept me up and spun me around until we were both too dizy to continue. He staggered, both of us laughing, and put me down. He caught his balance and I ran off through the hallway. When I came to the end I ran through the door and jumped on the bed. It was large- room for two. The floor was covered in my clothes, the surfaces were covered in technology that was obviously in the middle of being tinkered with. A sonic lay on the bedside table. I heard him laughingly calling through the hallway. "Rooose! Wherever could you be?" I shook with surpressed giggles. He threw the door open and jumped on the bed. He tickled me crazy, until I couldn't breath. I covered his face in kisses, and then we lay down, his arms closed around me and my head on his chest. "Can it always be this way?" I aksed him. He looked down at me and smiled. "You know it can Rose. This is waiting for you, once you move past him. All you have to do is take the first step." I snuggled closer to him. "What's the first step?" I asked him. "You just have to wake up. Wake up Rose. Wake up!"_


	6. Torchwood

**A/N: Sorry for the shorter chapter, but they're bound to happen sometimes. So I'm trying to post reguarly, but I don't want to go too fast plot-wise. I've gotten a good number of views and follows, but I'd love some reviews- it's always good to know what I'm doing right and what you want to see more of. Don't be shy; if there's something you want to see, let me know and I'll make it happen. Thanks for all the views and follows you guys! - SBG**

I awoke to Dad banging on the door. "Rose! Wake up, we have to leave in an hour. If you plan on showering before we leave, you need to get a move on!"

I groaned and rolled out of bed. As far as the dreams I'd had since the first time he left me on that beach, this one wasn't that bad. It left me feeling weird though. Pensive. Guilty. I wondered if the new Doctor would be able to look at me and know I had dreamed about him. Back on the TARDIS, whenever I had a dirty dream about the Doctor, he was always extra flirty the next day. I always half wondered if he could read my mind.

I showered and dressed quickly. I went to the kitchen and found everyone crowded in. I fixed a cuppa and grabbed a muffin. Taking a bite out of it I smiled. Banana nut. I glanced at the Doctor and laughed to myself. He had a bagel. Mum was fixing Tony a bowl of cereal. Before we left, he asked the Doctor if he would play with him later, to which he said yes. I had always thought he would be good with kids- he was just a big one himself!

We were quiet on the ride there. I held his hand while Dad told him about the changes he had made to Torchwood since the last time we had been there. While they talked, I looked out the window. Our hands were on my leg and his was warm. That dream really put me on edge. I seemed so happy. Honestly, all I wanted was to be happy. And Mum really had a point the night before. It's not very often you get everything you want. But this didn't feel like everything I wanted. It seemed like a pale imitation. Was I going to have to learn to make do?

When we parked in the garage and got out, I let go of his hand. It was the first time we had been together but not touching since we had gotten back, and it felt odd, but I didn't want my team to see us until I had things figured out. We went inside and Dad gave him the tour. We introduced him to my team, who were very excited to see him, and then to the lab team. We showed him some of the tech we had scavenged, and he was very excited to see we were working with Huon particles, which he said we would need to be able to get the TARDIS up and running. When we were done, we went upstairs to Dad's office.

"Well Doctor," Dad said, with a side glance to me, "we're going to have to set you up with a new identity. Once we have a name and a background story, we can get you documents and a bank account. I know it's going to be difficult, adjusting to this new life, but Jackie and I are here for you. After all you've done for us it's the least we can do in return. When we're done here, you can shadow Rose for the day, and by the time we're ready to go home, I'll have your papers. Sound good?" The Doctor nodded. "Okay, first, we're going to need a name."

"I've always gone by John Smith when I couldn't use the Doctor," he told him.

"Well, that's a pretty unremarkable name... are you sure that's what you want to go with?"

The Doctor nodded. "It lets me go unnoticed, which, in my line of work, tends to be a good thing."

"All right then, John Smith, if you're sure. I need the names of your mother and father next."

"Well, those don't really translate... hmmm. How about this? My father was Sydney Smith, a watchmaker, and my mother was Verity Smith, a nurse. I was raised in the Radford Paradedistrict of Nottingham, on Broadmarsh Street."

Dad looked surprsied and nodded. "That's good. Let's see... 43 You have a PhD in physics from the University of Canbridge. You taught at the boarding school where we sent Rose (which was why she was never around before she arrived, you see. We forged her papers and everything.) and that's how the two of you met. She had been traveling before she came to live with us again, but when she came back, we manage to steal you away from the school, and you've been working for us doing top secret work. Sound good?"

The Doctor grinned. "So I'll be a Doctor. I love it!"

We finished up and I walked back to my desk. The Doctor watched me while I interacted with my team. He didn't say much of anything while I worked. I filled out my paperwork on what happened with the cannon, making it sound as bland as I could. I left out the TARDIS coral all together. The Doctor didn't try to hold my hand. One of the junior members of my team brought lunch in in the afternoon- pizza- and we ate and got back to work. My team was a field team, but we also dealt with translations and figuring out the tech we brought back in. I had been the head of the team for a while, and they all looked up to me. We got on well, but they didn't know anything about my life before I got there. I was glad of this as we all sat there with the Doctor, because it meant no awkward questions. At the end of the day we walked up to Dad's office and got the Doctor's papers. The three of us walked to the car, and once we were in I took the Doctor's hand again. He sqeezed it the way he always used to. I looked at him, gave him a small smile. A tiny squeeze back. He grinned. This was getting easier all the time, and I think I knew how to speed up the process.


	7. POV Shift: The Doctor

The Doctor

Rose was giving Tony a bath. I had offered to help her but she made it clear she wasn't interested. Her mum had gone out for awhile, so that left me and Pete. He invited me into his office. Pete seemed so much happier than he had when I had first met him (in this world). I think it had to do with having a happy home life. I imagined how he must have felt, going from having a dead estranged wife to a loving wife and two children. I did wonder what happened to the dog. Pete offered me a glass of brandy, shaking me out of my thoughts. I turned him down and he poured one for himself.

"How are things going, Doctor?" He asked. I sighed. "That good, huh?"

"It's just... I thought that things would be going differently with Rose by now. We've planted the TARDIS coral, but it's going to be a month before I need to do anything further with it. She seems torn, like half the time she wants to be with me and half the time she wants nothing to do with me. She took my last regeneration really hard, but after she adjusted I thought it wouldn't be an issue again. And all she wants is him. It's driving me mad. He and I have a psychic link you know. I told her it's fading, and it is, but not as much as I made her think. And I feel him inside my head, wishing he had let her stay. It's awful, carrying around someone else's sadness inside you. I can tell he feels like he's physically in pain, and it makes me feel it too. It's exhausting, and everytime I think she's going to come around, something happens to make her back off."

Pete nodded and thought for a moment. "She might just need time. I haven't placed you on a team yet, but I do have a suggestion. I have a mission I need a single operative for. There are some immigrants on their way here from Cecliate, just outside the Vustea nebula. Humanoid. I need someone to settle them in, help get the adjusted. You would stay with them in Wales, were they'll be landing, and you can be back by the time the TARDIS coral is ready for the next step. Let Rose remember how much she missed you while you were gone."

"Can I think on it?"

Pete nodded. "Need to know by tomorrow."


	8. Whispers and Wine

After Tony's bath I went to find Dad so he could put him down. After I handed him off, I went into the kitched and found a bottle of wine and two glasses. I took them upstairs in search of the Doctor. I knocked on his door and he opened it looking mildly surprised to see me, and even more so when he saw what I was holding.

"Can I come in?" I asked him. He opened the door wider. I saw he was holding a towel, which he used to finish drying his hair before hanging over the back of the desk chair. I looked around the room as I poured two glasses. There were already bits of tech- both earthen and alien- that showed signs of being tinkered with. There were also some books on the otherwise empty shelves. I wondered where he got those things but didn't ask. Instead I handed him the glass and sat down on his bed with mine.

"Rose, what are you doing?" he asked me.

"I thought we could have some wine and you could tell me about your adventures with Martha and Donna," I told him. The wine had been Mum's idea- I needed to loosed up, she had said. He came over with his glass and sat down beside me. He started with Donna appearing in the TARDIS seconds after I had told him goodbye. Apparently her fiance was working for a giant spider, who was also his lover, to take over the earth. She decided not to stay with him.

Shortly after that he met Martha while investigating a hospital, which was transported to the moon during the course of his investigation. He kissed her to trick the aliens looking for an evil alien, and apparently she developed feelings for him after that. He told me he felt bad for how he treated her. It had been done unintentionally, as a result of missing me, but he said it was wrong none the less. He told me all about the Master, and their history together, and we both took a moment of silence, each mourning for one last Time Lord he couldn't save.

She left him after that- something he couldn't blame her for. She started working for UNIT, and that was when he found Donna again. Actually, Donna found him, which he overlooked at the time, but now we knew strings had been pulled to make it so. It sounded like she and her sass had been good for him. She didn't pine after him like Martha, (although he liked Martha) and that made him feel much less pressured to move past me. Which he assured me he couldn't ever do.

We were both pretty sloshed at this point, and he brushed my hair behind my ear. Then he ran it down my neck. I shivered. He had never touched me this way before. Not this Doctor, not the other Doctor, certainly not my first Doctor. All I can say is that I guess the wine came over me. I reached out and ran my hand through that amazing hair of his. Down his neck. His arm. His stomach. Left my hand on his leg.

He looked at me for a very long moment. Like he was sizing me up. He leaned forward and kissed me. But it wasn't the way he had kissed me in the past. He kissed me hard. Demanding. Hungry. I felt myself melting into puddles. I opened my mouth, tongue darting in and out of his, his tongue chasing mine. I ran my hands up and down his thighs slowly as he twisted his hands into my hair. I moved forward and sat on his lap without breaking out kiss. He moved one hand down and brushed against my left breast. I moaned into his mouth, and it was like something in him snapped. In seconds I was on my back with him on top of me. He stopped kissing me long enough to pull my top off, but was back at it before he even had my bra off.

He moved his mouth down to my nipples, first the left, then the right. I groaned quietly and ground my hips into his. He bit down softly, teeth grazing. We were rapidly losing clothes. He gathered up our empty wine glasses and put them on the desk, turning off the lights on his way back. My heart was pounding. He always smelled amzing in the dark. He was this mix of danger and kindness and anger and love and he wanted me back. He paused before and asked me if I was sure I wanted to. I moved my hips a little towards him. He held me firmly in place. I said yes.

He pushed in slowly at first. I could tell he was really holding back. Once we got used to each other we found a slow, steady rhythm. It wasn't my first time, but it had been long enough that is felt like it was. I lost track of time. I lost track of everthing except every nerve ending that met his skin. I was the shore, the tide coming in and out, rushing to meet the sand. The pressure in me built. I exploded several times, biting his shoulder to keep quiet. He picked up speed, and this time he brought me with him.

We lay there exhausted in the dark, covered in sweat. I lay in his arms, my head on his chest and his arms around me just like in my dream. "I love you, Rose Tyler." he murmured into my hair. I said nothing. After what must've been hours, his breathing slowed, and I thought he was alseep. A few tears ran down my cheek and onto his chest.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"You're just never going to be him. I'm sorry." I whispered back. We lay there together, very still, the thrumming of his single heart beating me a lullaby. He played with my hair gently, and right as I drifted off to sleep he whispered something else. I was too far gone to reply.

"I have to go away for awhile," he whispered.


	9. Low Level Telepathic Abilities

_We were walking through a garden. The sun burned bright and the colors were amazing, but I could still tell we were in the TARDIS. We were holding hands, but the Doctor was leading me somewhere. We walked at a slow pace and talked as we walked._

_"That's one way to take the first step," he said. I blushed._

_"It didn't work though, and now you're leaving me, even though you said you never would."_

_"You want me or you don't Rose, it can't be both. And when you're ready, I'll be back. But I can't keep doing what we're doing, especially not after tonight. I love you, and until you can look at me without missing him, I'm going to have to give you the space you keep telling me you need. It's just for a bit."_

_"I don't mean to hurt you."_

_"I know you don't Rose. You're to kind for that."_

_"Doctor? Why do I keep dreaming about you?"_

_"Well, you developed a low level of telepathy when you entered into the time vortex all those years ago. I've always had telepathic abilities, but I kept you shielded from it when we were in the other world. Once we apart I couldn't hear you anymore. It takes a lot of energy to up that shielding when I sleep, and sometimes it's too much for me now that I'm half human."_

_"So we're having this conversation in our minds?"_

_"Where else would a dream take place? Look here," he said, pointing. We were standing in front of TARDIS blue roses. _

_"They're beautiful," I whispered. _

_"You're beautiful," he whispered back. "Now listen. When you wake up, I'll be gone. Doesn't mean I love you any less."_

I woke up suddenly, but sure enough, the Doctor was gone. So were the wine glasses and bottle. I dressed quickly and ran downstairs. I found Mum and Dad in the kitchen. Tony wasn't up yet. The sun hadn't risen. Mum was drinking a cuppa and Dad was reading the paper. Both looked up at me when I came in.

"Where's the Doctor?" I aksed.

"Did you check his room?" Mum asked. I blushed and nodded.

Dad spoke up. "I needed an operative to carry out a mission in Wales, so I sent the Doctor, seeing as he wasn't assigned yet. He'll be perfect for the job."

"When will he be back?" I asked.

"He'll be back in time to do the next part of the TARDIS coral," Dad replied.

I sunk into a chair. "That's in a month. He's already gone?"

Dad nodded. "I needed him to head out this morning."


	10. Two Weeks of Saudade

I walked upstairs to my room. The bed was unslept it, but there was something on the pillow. I moved closer and saw it was a small box with a note. I opened the note first.

Rose,

I've been fiddiling around with some things at night (because I need more sleep than I used to, but still not as much as a normal human) and I made this for you. I'll see you in a month.

The Doctor

P.S.

07543 289 542

His cell phone number, I guessed. I opened the little box and sat down on the bed. It was a small pink sonic screw driver. I was overwhelmed with regret. The day before canary wharf I had told the Doctor I wanted my own sonic- how often did we get seperated just when I needed his? He had laughed at the time. Told me he couldn't set me loose on the world with a sonic. But here it was. He had remembered. And not only had he remembered, he had changed his mind. Decided he could trust me with it.

I cried for a while. I felt very confused, but mostly foolish. When I was still seeing my therapist, she told me I was suffering from a sense of saudade. It's a Portuguese word that doesn't really translate into English, but it roughly means longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return. It is often described as "the love that remains" after someone is gone.

I had liked that there was a word to describe how I felt- it meant others had gone through it. I realized I was overcome with a sense of saudade again. Last time, I always had a glimmer of hope that he would find me, or that I would find a way to see him again. I had never given up (even though he had), but now I was faced with the realization that there was a very good chance I could lose this man who loved me.

Day Three

I was back at work. We had been puzzling out a message sent to us from Echpone. It took us three days just to dechipher that it was a friendly greeting. I dictated one back, and for once an alien encounter was friendly and uncompliacted. Mum made a roast for dinner. I thought about calling the Doctor to thank him for the sonic, but settled on a text.

Day Seven

It was a Saturday. The Quavis fleet was going to be soaring through our atmosphere for just a moment, so Mum, Dad, and I bundled up Tony and took him to the countryside to watch. We all laid out on the blanket, and we watched them glide by. It only lasted a moment, but I was left with a feeling of lack. I wished the Doctor was there to hold my hand.

Day Eight

_We landed the TARDIS in a little garden and walked into the tiny little white house that owned it. I took the Doctor's hand and asked him why he had a key. He had smiled at me and pulled me inside by the hand. Inside was simple. It had a little tv and a bookshelf in the living room with some cozy looking chairs and a sofa. He led me up the stairs, past a room with a large bed and into a small pink room. It was had a little dresser, a little table, and a cot. I had a memory of the Doctor making it himself. He had told me it was a replica of his, when he was little. I looked at him, confused, and he pointed to the mirror hanging off the back of the door. I walked into view and saw myself, very pregnant. He came behind me and wrapped his hands around my stomach. Kissed me on the cheek. "We don't have to take her out in the TARDIS til she's ready," he told me._

I woke up in tears and decided I wasn't going to get out of bed that day.

Day Twelve

I was unsure how I was going to make it through a month of his being gone. I didn't miss the other Doctor anymore. I missed _my_ Doctor. I was startled the first time I called him that in my head. Happy, but also sad, because I still couldn't bring him home yet. He had to finish the mission. I had been going out to the shed everyday to talk to the TARDIS, but this day was different. It started pulsing at the sound of my voice, and emitting a faint glow. I called the Doctor.

"Rose!" he exclaimed when I answered.

"Hi Doctor," I whispered back. I felt suddenly shy. I realized we hadn't spoken since that night. "I was calling because of the TARDIS." I told him what was going on. He hummed happily.

"That is exactly what it should be doing. You've been talking to it?" he asked.

"Mhm. How'd you know?"

"The coral was happy to hear your voice. It's not an it anymore- it's a she!" he said excitedly.

"Doctor, there was one other thing..." I began, but then I heard a laugh in the background. A female laugh. I heard him cover the phone and whisper, "No... I'll be right there." I closed me eyes.

"What were you saying Rose?"

"Nothing important." I answered before hanging up.

Day Fourteen

I laid in bed after a particuarly vivid dream. I closed my eyes but couldn't sleep, so I decided to try something new. I took slow, deep breaths, reaching out with my mind. After thirty minutes I felt the tentitive edge of some _other_. There wasn't any other way to describe it.

_Rose._

It brushed against my mind like a whisper. His voice, like the night he whispered into my hair that he loved me.

_It's me. _

I wasn't sure if he could hear me, if this was really happening. How long I could maintain a connection.

I sensed his confusion, his hesitation. His indescion. To shield or not to shield, that is the question. He decided not to shield. I felt him unfold.

_How?_

I asked. It was easier to convey feelings than sentences.

_Are you okay?_

Apparently not as hard for him.

_I... miss you. _

I fell back to sleep feeling like I was wrapped in his arms.

When I woke up in the morning I was unsure if it had really happened, but there was a text on my phone from an unsaved number.

_I love you Rose Tyler._

I saved the number in my contacts as The Doctor.


	11. A Week of Weird

Day Sixteen

I went out to the shed to talk to the TARDIS coral everyday. I poured my heart out to that little chunk of rock, and my (psychic?) dreams got more and more vivid. There's a saying here on earth, "absence makes the heart grow fonder", that I have found to be the most truthful thing I've ever heard. My head was constantly in a jumble. I felt confused, I felt sorry, I felt excited. And late at night, when I would lay in my bed, I felt full of a dull throbbing, a slow burning fire that I knew to be lust. My dreams were vivid, all right, and they were dreams I hoped I wasn't sharing with the Doctor. I blushed, thinking about a particularly graphic scene from the night before. The coral pulsed rapidly, and I got a text from the Doctor.

_How did you sleep last night?_

Well. Maybe he did see them.

Day Eighteen

I was at work when I got a call from Mum. She was yelling into the phone, not making any sense. I found Dad and we ran out to the car. We sped through the streets, and even though we passed several cop cars, we didn't get pulled over because of our torchwood car.

Dad and I ran inside and found Mum was fine and Tony was fine, but something was going on in the back yard. I went outside to find some aliens seemingly frozen in place outside of the shed. I ran inside, but the coral was fine. I called the Doctor and quickly filled him in. He explained that the coral must have time locked them ("Clever girl!" he had cooed) and the best thing to do would be to take them to a holding cell. He said to question them if we could, and if not to hold them til he got back.

We took them in. It took a while to translate (the coral wasn't grown enough to translate the way the other one did) but once we got it going it was easy enough to figure out. They had been in the area and felt the energy source and decided to check it out. I sent the Doctor a picture of them and he said it was ok to let them go.

Day Twenty One

We were do for new recruits. This was normally pretty interesting for me, because this was where I tended to run into duplicates from the other world, but on this particular day, I wasn't allowed to attend. Dad said he had an errand he needed me ro run. Something vauge about a package being delivered via zeplin that afternoon, and I was the only one he trusted to go pick it up.

I was mildly annoyed. As I left the new recruits filed in, and sure enough I saw a couple people who looked familiar. I got into the car and sped off, still upset. I turned on the radio and turned it up loud. Pretty soon I was feeling a little better.

The zeplin field was about an hour outside of the Torchwood facility. I finally got there but I got lost. There were no cargo zeplins docking that day, and Dad hadn't given me a contact name. I had pulled out my phone to call him when I got a call myself. It was the Doctor.

"Hello?"

"Turn around Rose Tyler."

I turned around and saw him across the way. We ran to each other and I flung myself into his arms. He held me close and I covered his face in kisses.

"I missed you so much!" he told me.

"Don't leave me again," I whispered.

"Then you've made your choice?"

"You." I told him.

"I love you Rose Tyler," he whispered.

"Quite right, too." I told him. "And I love you, too."


	12. To Be Continued?

**A/N: So Rose made her choice. I'm still deciding if I want to do a sequel, what do you guys think? Some feedback would help me make up my mind? Was this good enough to make you guys be willing to sit through another installment? **


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